Guides

How to Help a Veteran Friend or Family Member

You’ve noticed something. He’s shorter with the kids, or she’s stopped returning calls. Maybe he sleeps four hours a night, or the drinking has crept up. You want to help and you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Good news first: you don’t need to be an expert, and nobody expects you to have every answer. The VA’s National Center for PTSD says it plainly: “Nobody expects you to have all the answers” (VA). What you need is mostly patience, honesty, and staying power. This guide covers how to show up, what to say, what to skip, and how to take care of yourself while you do it.

First, Know the Warning Signs

Most hard seasons aren’t emergencies. Some are, though, and you should know the difference.

The Veterans Crisis Line says these signs need immediate attention: talking about death, dying, or suicide; looking for ways to kill oneself; thinking about hurting or killing oneself; and self-destructive behavior such as drug abuse or risky use of weapons (Veterans Crisis Line).

They also list warning signs that someone may need help, including:

It’s okay to ask directly: “Are you thinking about taking your own life?” The Crisis Line notes that asking doesn’t raise the risk. You can also offer to call the line together on a three-way call and stay on until they feel safe (Veterans Crisis Line).

How to Help a Veteran: What Actually Works

Show up, and keep showing up. Plan a dinner, a walk, a project in the garage. The VA suggests doing things together, especially physical activity, and encouraging time with family and close friends (VA). A lot of operators connect better shoulder to shoulder than face to face.

Offer to listen, without pushing. Tell them you want to hear it whenever they’re ready, and that it’s fine if now isn’t the time. You don’t have to ask what happened. The VA notes you can support a veteran without knowing the details (VA).

Listen more than you talk. Don’t fix, don’t one-up, don’t judge. Let them decide how much to share.

Expect them to pull back sometimes, and don’t take it personally. Withdrawal is common. Give them space, and say clearly that you’ll be there when they’re ready (VA).

Be honest about how it affects you. “I’ve noticed you’re not sleeping, and I’m worried” lands better than “You need to get your act together.”

What to Avoid

How to Help a Veteran with PTSD

You can’t diagnose PTSD, and you shouldn’t try. Only a mental health provider can (VA). What you can do:

Learn what you’re looking at. The VA describes four kinds of PTSD symptoms: reliving the event, avoiding reminders, more negative thoughts and feelings, and feeling on edge (VA). Once you know that, a lot of confusing behavior starts to make sense: the seat facing the door, the skipped fireworks, the snap at a loud noise.

Make care feel like a choice. Try something like: “It’s your call whether you see somebody, but if there’s anything I can do, tell me.” If you didn’t serve, the VA suggests saying you know they went through things that would be hard for you to understand, and that someone at the VA or a Vet Center might help (VA).

Set up a time-out system for hard talks. Agree that either of you can call a time-out, that the conversation stops when someone does, and what time you’ll come back to it (VA).

Support treatment if they choose it. Offer to go to appointments. The VA has free guides on helping a loved one through specific PTSD treatments, plus the PTSD Family Coach app (VA).

Know the non-clinical doors too. Vet Centers offer confidential counseling in a relaxed, non-medical setting, and many of their staff are veterans. Their call center, 1-877-927-8387, is staffed around the clock by combat veterans and family members of veterans.

For Military Spouses

You’re not a bystander to this. At Parting Glass we think of spouses as the home front: the people keeping the family running through long stretches of uncertainty. That’s part of the mission, not a side job. The RE-Member course itself is for operators only; spouses take part through separate Parting Glass spouse events, not the course.

A few things for you, specifically:

Where Parting Glass Fits

Parting Glass Foundation is a SOF-veteran-led nonprofit. Our RE-Member Operator Training Course is a free, seven-day residential peer course for Special Operations personnel, with no more than 12 people per cohort. It isn’t therapy and it doesn’t diagnose anyone. It’s a structured week with peers who’ve been there, built around Stability, Story, Identity, Conscience, and Connection. Operators leave with a Forward Operating Plan for life at home. Our first cohort completed the course in June 2026.

Sources

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